I am spending - wasting, as it were - a beautiful autumn Sunday writing an annual report. Of course it's my own fault, I shouldn't have put it off until the very last days, but, frankly, writing annual reports is absolutely the worst part of being an academic, worse even that Quality Assurance and Grade Adjudication put together. And it's not just the regular Faculty audit where all you have to do is move "in press" to "published", "under review" to "in press" and "in preparation" to "under review", plus invent something to put under "in preparation" that you can hopefully move to "under review" next year.
It is not even an annual report. It is a biennial report, summing up my achievements since I came here two years ago. I thought that when I reached the height where I am now, all this would be over and done with. I cannot climb higher (because I don't want to be Head of Faculty, or Head or School, or Second Deputy Pro Vice Chancellor twice removed). I cannot be fired. Let me be. But no, I must write this report, with everything I've done since I came here - I wish I've kept track - with a list of publications, five most important highlighted, two academic referees from Cambridge-acknowledged institutions who must know me well, but not too well, and the worst of all, a personal statement. I am sure there are services on internet that write personal statements for anyone, although I wouldn't quite trust them. But if I could pay somebody, from the pay increment I might get through this painful exercise, to do this for me! I find it tediuos and humiliating. I understand it is necessary - or is it? So many hours, days, perhaps weeks spent every year in academia to write these reports that will be scrutinised by numerous committees, and how many hours and days do I spend writing references for other people going through the same process. Perhaps I would not make a sensational scientific discovery today, Sunday, instead of writing my report. On the other hand, who knows? I am not sure whether it was on a Sunday that Newton was hit on his head by that famous apple, but surely he was sitting and meditating in one of Cambridge's many pretty gardens rather than writing an annual report.